


Please Keep (Ghosts) Off The Grass

by asoftplacetoland



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: And Then Strictly Back to Enemies, And so is Ronnie Lee, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Competitive Patrick Brewer, David Rose is a Good Person, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Ghosts, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Husbands, Kissing, M/M, Married Life, Mischief, Teamwork, Witches, Zombies, oh my!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asoftplacetoland/pseuds/asoftplacetoland
Summary: When town council sponsors a Halloween yard decorating contest, new homeowner Patrick is determined to not only win but to beat Ronnie for the ultimate prize of bragging rights. David is not happy with the spooky spectres meddling with his perfect English cottage aesthetic or Patrick and Ronnie's continued feud but he tries his best to not get involved as the two battle it out for the title of creepiest lawn in town.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 35
Kudos: 83
Collections: Schitt's Creek Trick Or Treat





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCTrickOrTreat](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCTrickOrTreat) collection. 



> Written for the following prompt:
> 
> Patrick and Ronnie try to out-do one another’s Halloween yard display. David is not amused.
> 
> I had an absolutely delightful time writing this one. As someone who loves the mild spooky side of Halloween, writing this fic was a perfect way for me to celebrate and I hope you enjoy reading it!
> 
> Special thanks to my beta for the once over to make sure I didn't have too many typos while also writing an amazing fic for this challenge I know will immediately be going in my own bookmarks. Teamwork does make the dream work! 
> 
> Without further ado, as The Ghost with the Most says, It's Showtime!

Patrick absolutely loved being a homeowner. He’d known he would, of course, because being a homeowner meant responsibility and responsibility was Patrick’s middle name. Well technically his middle name was Anthony but that was beside the point. Being a homeowner meant Patrick was responsible for a great many things including home repairs and improvements, tending to a sizable yard and garden, and various mundane tasks like getting the quarterly water meter reading and remembering what day the recycling truck would come by and then actually remembering to put the bin out for pickup. Patrick loved each and every bit of it and, more so, he loved doing it all with his husband. Although David did not share Patrick’s love for the water meter or the county recycling schedule, he clearly enjoyed their home. David had carefully and lovingly decorated each room of the cottage with painstaking attention to detail so that they both would feel comfortable in their shared space.

Every room told the story of their life together; In the living room, pictures from their wedding were proudly displayed on the mantel while the far wall contained artfully framed newspaper clippings from the feature the _Elmdale Chronicle_ had done on Rose Apothecary when they had opened hung alongside a familiar framed receipt. Patrick’s guitar sat in its stand in the corner of the room for spontaneous serenades and song writing sessions as a backing track to whatever reality show David was watching. Patrick loved making up songs to the fights on David’s housewife shows and watching David try to hold it together until the dam finally broke and he was laughing while simultaneously trying to wrench Patrick’s guitar out of his hands. There was a colorful mohair and wool throw blanket David had won in a ruthless eBay bid last spring that was draped across the couch they’d picked out together from the furniture store because Patrick had fallen asleep while sitting on it, still weary from days of moving their possessions from the motel and his old apartment into their brand new home. It hadn’t been David’s first choice but even he had to admit it was the perfect napping couch. 

The kitchen held the fancy wine glasses they used almost nightly that they had gotten as a wedding present from Patrick’s cousin Brandie as well as the spiralizer they’d gotten from Patrick’s cousin Leslie that David had used one-time and declared an abomination because zucchini absolutely was not pasta and how dare anyone try to pass it off as such. They’d originally searched for a kitchen table at the same furniture store they’d bought their couch from but they couldn’t find anything that seemed to fit. Patrick still wasn’t sure how he’d found out but three days later, Jake had shown up with a perfect kitchen table and two chairs with the promise that there were more to come. Both David and Patrick had been stunned and when they tried to pay for their new table, Jake had kissed them both on the cheek and said it was a wedding present, winking as he sauntered back out of the house leaving them both flustered. David had taken to setting up anniversary gifts and birthday gifts on the kitchen table the night before each occasion because he knew he’d never wake up before Patrick. For his birthday, Patrick had been on his way to make his tea when he spotted brilliant blue forget-me-nots and white daisies in a vase beside the smart watch Patrick had been eyeing but was too expensive for him to justify buying for himself, and a card with his name written in David’s beautiful handwriting. 

There was the guest room Patrick’s parents had stayed in for a week over the Christmas holidays and the bathroom that held all of David’s skin care products and the office where Patrick’s university diploma hung alongside the original Rose Apothecary business license with just David’s name on it because the current one at the store now had both their names. They’d built a real home together and there wasn’t a single room in that home where Patrick couldn’t feel the tangible physical presence of their love for one another. And although they’d had their fair share of little spats and fights as every couple does, they still fell asleep beside each other each and every night.

They’d been in their home for nearly a year and a cold snap had finally chased away the lingering dregs of summer warmth to place the entire town firmly on the path of all things fall. It was Patrick’s first day off since they’d gotten back from their anniversary trip to New York to see Alexis, who was thriving as both a private PR consultant for Interflix and the main publicists for a half dozen A-list movie stars who’d practically begged for her expertise. New York had been fun, but Patrick was more than eager to get started on his fall homeowner to do list. Since they hadn’t closed on the home until the end of November the previous year, he was excited to really get the full experience of the season.

He was so excited, he had woken up well before David and had made both a lunch for David to take to work and a breakfast sandwich consisting of one of the bagels they had brought back from New York and lovingly frozen until Alexis could restock them when she came home for the holidays. He’d added a fried egg, thick cut bacon, and a slice of the good sharp cheddar cheese they’d picked up at the fancy grocery store that had just opened up in Elm Glen simply because he knew it would make David happy and there were very few things Patrick enjoyed more than making David happy. Sure enough, when David came downstairs dressed and ready for work, he had accepted the canvas bag with his breakfast and lunch in it with a huge grin, giving Patrick an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek as he attempted to balance his cup of coffee, keys, and wallet in one hand.

“Only you would wake up this happy on your day off to go buy rakes and mulch.” David teased, using his free hand to cup Patrick’s jaw as he leaned in for a proper kiss. Patrick met him halfway, wrapping his arms around David’s waist, smiling through the kiss to match David’s own smile. David had a habit of ruining perfectly good kisses with smiles and frowns and pouts and Patrick hoped he never stopped. 

“Happy to make sure our beautiful home has a beautiful lawn this fall.” Patrick said, running his hands up and down David’s back. “One of us has to make it seem like we can effortlessly complete our yard work with the best of them.” Patrick said and David hummed noncommittally. 

“I’m pretty sure we have the nicest yard in town without actually trying but you know I defer to you when it comes to all things covered in grass and dirt.” David moved to wiggle out of Patrick’s arms and Patrick held on tighter just to watch that exasperatedly fond look settle on his husband’s face as David pretended like that wasn’t exactly what he wanted. Patrick kissed him once more before turning him in the direction of the door and giving him a gentle push towards it. David went with a laugh, slipping his big white sunglasses onto his face as he headed out the door.

“Have fun playing in the dirt today, honey.” David called over his shoulder. “Oh, and if you get ambitious around dinner time, I’ve been really craving chicken pot pie!” The door shut behind him with a resolute click and Patrick went about tidying up the mess he’d made in the kitchen before he made the trek to the nicer home improvement store in Elmdale.

Two hours and eleven dollars and seventy-eight cents under budget later, Patrick had his autumnal army of lawn care tools assembled. He’d gone for both a metal and plastic leaf rake because he wasn’t exactly sure which would be best, at least fifty sturdy leaf bags, new mulch for the flower beds as well as a half dozen hardy mum plants in red, orange, and yellow respectively because he knew David would like seeing the pop of colors in front of the stone façade of their home. He'd even picked up a little garden flag with the phrase "It's Just a Bunch of Hocus Pocus" on it because he'd figured the minimalist design of a black cauldron on a purple background would appeal to David while also giving them at least a touch of festive decor. Patrick staked the flag in the garden and then sectioned off the front yard into four quads and set the task of raking each into four neat piles of leaves. Patrick dove into his work, hoping to have the entire front yard raked up by lunch, but he’d very much underestimated just how many leaves their beautiful trees had produced over the past few weeks. After forty-five minutes of raking, he’d only finished one and a half quadrants and Patrick decided there might just be one homeowner task he did not like.

Patrick was in the middle of a much needed water break, mentally reworking his schedule for the yard, when he heard a car pull up the driveway.

“Hello, Patrick!” Ray called out the window. He parked his sensible olive-green Subaru under the shade of one of the few trees still clinging to its now yellow leaves and met Patrick in the middle of the yard. Patrick suddenly felt very underdressed in his ratty old sweatpants and an ancient intramural hockey t-shirt from university that their dryer had torn a hole in last spring, but he also knew for a fact that Ray had seen worse.

“Hi Ray. Nice to see you.” Patrick said, pulling the rake he’d been leaning on closer to his body. Ray flashed him a smile like Patrick had just offered to do all of his business taxes for free. Patrick noticed the stack of fluorescent orange and black flyers in his hands. Clearly Ray was not just stopping in to say hi.

“Oh it’s so nice to see you too, Patrick! I was going to slip this in your mailbox but since you’re out here already I’ll just hand it to you.” Ray said, holding out a flyer for Patrick to take. Patrick accepted the flyer and peered down at it.

“‘The First Annual Schitt’s Creek Ghastly Garden and Loathsome Lawn Tournament?” Patrick read aloud and Ray nodded vigorously in delight.

“Don’t you just love the name? I came up with it myself.” As with so many of their conversations, Ray forged ahead with his sales pitch before Patrick could answer. 

“As you know, with Moira Rose now unavailable to perform her duties as town counselor because she no longer lives here, I have taken up the post as an interim town counselor until an election can be held.” 

“Ray you’ve been the interim counselor for a year with no challenger, I’d say the job is yours.” Patrick said kindly. 

Although Ray had to downsize his closet organization business, he’d resumed his old town counsel duties in stride, using his position as a way to promote business relationships throughout the community. Patrick could hardly complain, between the bump in revenue from supplying the regional Rosebud motels and the town council sponsored coupon books, the store had been able to stay firmly in the black the past nine months. Even still, Ray shook his head at Patrick, his smile dipping ever so slightly at the notion he’d keep his seat without due process.

“Democracy is important Patrick, it’s up to the people to decide! But that’s neither here nor there right now.” Ray tapped the flyer still clutched in Patrick’s hands, his smile returning to its normal level of intensity. 

“So, our tournament will start in just one week, and the judging will consist of three components. The first is the overall fear factor. Does the yard say ‘boo?’ or does it say ‘BOO!’ do you know what I mean?”

Patrick blinked at him as Ray continued to stare back at him eagerly. Apparently _that_ question warranted an actual response.

“Um, I think so yeah.”

“Wonderful! The second thing we will be judging is creativity. You can use whatever materials you want and while homemade lawn decorations are encouraged for originality, store bought will work fine too.” Ray glanced around the yard briefly, his eyes landing on the solitary garden flag decoration. “I’d say store bought might be your best option.” Patrick frowned but Ray was clearly on a roll now.

“Oh, and finally, interactivity! We wanted to find a way to tie the tournament into our annual town wide trick or treat event, and what better way to get the children involved in the spookiest holidays! You can set up activities such as an apple bobbing or pumpkin painting but everything has to stay outside because haunted houses would obviously require permits.” Patrick glanced from Ray’s smiling face back down to the flyer and then around at his leaf strewn lawn. If raking leaves was this exhausting, Patrick could hardly imagine how much effort decorating their entire lawn would be. Fortunately, Patrick had a built in excuse for getting out of such events. 

“Ray, thanks, but this doesn’t seem like something David would go for.” Patrick tried his best to look apologetic but Ray’s smile never faltered.

“Oh but I didn’t even mention the prize! The prize is a brand-new riding mower! Which would mean no more raking leaves by hand for a start.” Ray said, eyeing the rake in Patrick’s hand.

Now that was interesting. As much fun as the idea of maintaining a yard was, having a riding mower would make the summers so much easier not to mention he could choose not to finish raking the leaves and then they could be part of his spooky yard display. If he stopped raking right now, he'd have enough time to put together some decorations before David got home and then it would only be a matter of convincing David to trust that his outdoor expertise extended to lawn ornament crafting. 

“Okay Ray. I think I’m in.” Ray clapped his hands as best he could with the flyers, settling on a stilted form of excitement but one that made Patrick feel like he’d at least made the right choice. He took a swig of water from his water bottle as Ray ramped up to tell him more about the tournament.

“Wonderful! That makes you, the Schitt’s, Twyla, and Ronnie so far!” Patrick nearly choked on his water. 

“Wait. Ronnie?”

“Oh yes,” Ray said, oblivious to the way Patrick’s hand had gone white where he was still holding on to the rake. “She was very excited about the lawn mower, much like yourself. I believe she even mentioned something about calling her cousin who worked on a few very notable horror movies back in the day? I’d say she will be the one to beat!”

Ray waved goodbye and headed back toward his car, talking all the while about having to drop off more flyers around town, and Patrick studied the flyer carefully. There was no way he was going to let Ronnie win that lawn mower. It was time to make another trip to the store.

* * *

“Patrick, I know I said I would defer to you when it comes to the yard, but I don’t think living in an actual graveyard is very on brand.” David said as he pulled the front door shut behind him.

He had returned to their quaint little cottage expecting to see maybe a few piles of leaves and a potted mum or two as a result of Patrick’s day off plan. Imagine his surprise instead when he found their front yard had been transformed into a graveyard in his absence. Nearly a dozen headstones were scattered throughout the lawn, casting shadows on the ground in the fading light of the day. When David had gotten closer, he could see it was a graveyard made of the silliest epitaphs. “ **I was hoping for a pyramid”** read one in pale block letters and another said “ **Died from not forwarding that text message to ten people”** while a third just had the chorus of “ **Hey Jude** ” written out on it. Each headstone had mulch piled in front of it to mimic fresh dirt and the mums David had hoped for were divided out and set in front of the fake graves like gifts from mourners.

When Patrick didn’t respond to his initial statement, David immediately tried the living room thinking maybe he had a game on, but Patrick wasn’t there. He checked the kitchen next since it was right off the living room and there was no Patrick in there either…and no chicken pot pie for that matter. David checked the guest room and the bathroom and the office but Patrick was nowhere to be found. Both Patrick’s car and the old Rose family car were parked in the driveway so he was definitely around the house. David finally decided to check the garage and _success_.

“What on earth are you doing?” David said as he stared at the crafting explosion that had taken over their normally neat garage.

The extra drop cloths David kept for painting projects around the house had been spread across the floor and Patrick sat cross legged in the center surrounded by even more headstones. He was bent over the latest one carefully dragging his paint brush over the white Styrofoam surface with broad strokes.

“Hello to you too.” Patrick said, glancing up at David briefly with a pleasant smile before focusing back on his painting. “I’m making headstones, what does it look like I’m doing?” David huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I can see that, Patrick. Why are you making headstones? Why did you turn our charming little English garden into a creepy graveyard full of puns?” David wrinkled his nose as the fumes from the paint made him feel briefly lightheaded. In addition to the headstones, David could see dozens of miniature lights on small stakes in the shape of pumpkins clearly ready to be lined along their driveway and sidewalk. There were piles of thick, stringy cotton spun to look like spiderwebs in one corner along with a pile of fake spiders in one corner and a clump of old sheets that looked like an attempt at a ghost with rope tied around its neck to presumably hang it from the trees. Patrick set his now finished headstone to the side and stood up carefully as to not disturb his graves.

“It’s all for a good cause, David.” Patrick explained, reaching into his pocket and handing David a familiar looking orange and black flyer. David felt his frown deepen.

“Yeah Ray wanted to post this in the store, but I told him he needed to modify it to fit our color scheme first.” David murmured. “Is the prize a gift certificate to the Elmdale Inn so you can at least take me to dinner after you fix our yard?” David asked and Patrick picked up one of the newly finished headstones with a smug look on his face. This one was painted in the same careful block letters as he ones outside and it read “ **Here lies my husband’s patience.”** Patrick smiled at him hopefully but when David did not laugh, Patrick sighed and set the headstone back on the drop cloth.

“It’s just for one month, David.” Patrick tried and David shook his head, waving a hand frantically across the garage and its creepy craft contents. 

“No, no, no, no, no. I cannot handle a month of living in a graveyard, Patrick!” David cried and Patrick bit his lower lip, clearly trying to hide his laughter and failing.

“But it’s not really a graveyard, David. It’s just a pretend graveyard with funny headstones. Besides, when I win, we’ll get a brand new riding lawn mower! Think about how much time and money we’ll save on the yard work.” Patrick was pulling that earnest face of his now, the one that he always tried when he was hoping to convince David he was being sensible despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

“I thought you loved doing yard work?” David said, unable to keep the puzzlement out of his voice. “And aren’t you the one always telling me our yard is a reflection of the pride and regard we have for ourselves? That our quaint little cottage is a refuge from the hardship and strife of the wicked world?” It wasn’t nearly as satisfying to use Patrick’s own words against him as it usually was, but maybe that was because David’s stomach was starting to rumble. 

“First off I have definitely never said that to you. Did you talk to your mom earlier today?” 

David pulled his arms tighter around himself and glared. So what if his mother had called him at work today to discuss the latest set drama? Had Patrick gained clairvoyance now that he'd expended so much effort fabricating the occul–okay, fair point. 

“Also I don’t know if love is the right term for how I feel about yard work,” Patrick continued with no regard for David’s excellent glare. “But if I spent less time in the yard, I could spend more time with you doing things _you_ like.” Patrick’s voice dropped suggestively as he took a careful step toward David. David had to admit it would be nice to have more days off where Patrick was not hellbent on mowing the lawn, but he wasn’t about to budge just yet. Patrick had some groveling to do, especially after that snarky headstone. David was determined to resurrect that patience right here and now to make himself a deal.

“What else do you win?” He asked, picking up a clearly store-bought zombie cut out and examining it. It looked extremely cheesy and even the fake blood Patrick had clearly painted on it did not amp up the fear factor.

“Um, bragging rights?” Patrick tried innocently but David knew that look all too well at this point. Patrick glanced down at the ground, refusing to look David in the eyes and his hands curled lightly into fists at his side.

“Ronnie is doing this stupid contest too isn’t she?” Patrick at least had the decency to look guilty at the accusation. David set down the zombie cut out with a sigh.

“And you’re going to get weird and overly competitive about it and if you lose, I’ll never hear the end of it and my beautiful lawn will still have to look like a B-rated horror film for a month.”

Patrick groaned, sounding very similar to what David imagined the not-so-scary zombie cutout might sound like if it were real.

“First off, it’s a tournament and I’m not going to lose.” Patrick declared, his voice going high and defensive as he gesturted to the contents of their garage as if it explained his, apparently, assured win. David raised an eyebrow at him, and Patrick sighed.

“Second, I promise I’ll behave myself. Scouts honor.” Patrick’s cheerful little scout salute never failed to make David smile and Patrick never failed to bring it up whenever they had a mild disagreement.

“How dare you waltz sweet little eleven-year-old Patty Brewer’s hard-earned merit badges into this conversation. Did you know he broke his troop leader’s thumb while building a birdhouse?” David teased, laughing when Patrick stuck his tongue out at him.

“I will never forgive my mother for showing you those pictures.” Patrick pouted, folding his arms across his chest. David rolled his eyes and thought about the picture albums tucked away in the Brewer household. Perhaps Marcy would send him a copy of that picture of wide-eyed little Patrick beaming with his front-toothless smile in his scout uniform so he could frame it for their home office. But before he couldn’t get distracted by that very cute train of thought, he had a hostage situation to attend to. The sanctity of his yard depended on it.

“Don’t change the subject.” David said and Patrick’s shoulders deflated. “Does it have to be a graveyard?” 

“Well no, but until I think of something better, I figured this would be a good start.” Patrick shrugged but David could see he knew David was close to caving. He glanced down again and then fixed David with the full-on puppy dog eyes, his wide brown eyes pitiful and adorable all at once and damn him for being so good at that.

“Soooo, is that a yes to the tournament, David?” The hopeful look on Patrick’s face was really not unlike his toothless childhood counterpart and David’s resolve was fading fast. A month really wasn’t that long, and Patrick had already used his whole day off crafting in the name of this tournament. Ugh.

“You are relentless. Fine” David snapped, and Patrick moved forward to try and pull David into his arms.

“You better not have paint on you!” David screeched before Patrick could touch his clothes and Patrick laughed and stopped to wipe his hands and arms off with a few wet wipes from the container on the work table off to the side of the garage. His gaze was hot as it lingered on David, the rush of victory written plainly on the lines of his face. David would be lying if post-win Patrick wasn’t one of his favorite looks on his husband. Patrick tossed the wipes in the direction of the trash can so could wrap his arms around David’s waist. They swayed together for a moment or two, enjoying the closeness after a long day apart, before David found his voice again.

“I have two conditions.” Patrick leaned up on his tiptoes and pressed their lips together in response.

“Name your demands.” Patrick whispered against his lips and David tried his best not to let the low timber of Patrick’s voice distract him from the finish line.

“You will be taking me to a very nice dinner at the end of the month, win or lose, because you’re ruining my carefully cultivated English garden aesthetic with fake spiderwebs and cardboard zombies.” David declared. Patrick faked a heavy sigh, smiling as he pressed another soft kiss to David’s lips. 

“What a hardship. A fancy dinner with my gorgeous husband.” Patrick teased and David rolled his eyes.

“Admittedly less of a condition and more of a perk but still.” Patrick’s eyes were full of delight as he grinned at David. He gave David a little squeeze around the waist and he nuzzled into his favorite kissing spot on David’s neck.

“What’s the second condition?” Patrick murmured, the vibrations rippling across David’s skin as Patrick pressed a hot line of kisses against his throat. 

“No fighting with Ronnie!” David managed to gasp out between Patrick’s kisses. “Competing is fine but I don’t want another repeat of the chili cook-off.” Patrick pulled back so suddenly, it left David shivering as the warmth from his body was replaced with the cool chill that had fallen over the garage.

“Ugh! David! I thought we were done talking about that. It wasn’t my fault the table collapsed before the judges could taste her chili!” Patrick whined, his tone petulant and David had a horrible flashback to the day in question before he shook the memory from the forefront of his mind.

“Patrick Brewer, you are not that clumsy but we’re not having that argument again. No fighting with Ronnie this time. Promise me.” David watched as Patrick fought against that stubborn streak of his that always seemed to rise to the occasion where Ronnie was concerned. The two of them really knew how to wind each other up and while David knew Patrick and Ronnie’s feud was rooted in friendly annoyance, it still often manifested in a stressful situation for all three of them. Patrick sighed and hung his head.

“I promise.” Patrick muttered but David had grown up with a younger sibling and he noticed Patrick’s hand had not so sneakily slipped behind his back.

“Honey?” David ventured as he took a step forward. Patrick took a step back.

“Mmmhmm?” Patrick hummed and made to move again but David was able to confirm his suspicion with a quick few steps to the side to peek at the hand Patrick was hiding from view.

“I can see your fingers crossed behind you back, Patrick.” Patrick looked skyward and heaved a long suffering sigh before he dropped his hands.

“Fine! I promise I won’t fight with Ronnie.” Patrick said and this time it was David who wrapped him up in a hug sealed with a kiss.

“Thank you. Now since you’ve been playing gravedigger all day, I’m assuming takeout for dinner?”

Patrick treated them to a nice takeout dinner of Chinese food from David’s favorite place that had the red-hot chili oil dumplings which they consumed on the couch along with their seasonal selection of _Hocus Pocus_. David tried not to focus on the similarities between his yard and the graveyard in the movie and when he glanced over at Patrick, he was not surprised to see him looking up “best glow in the dark spray paint for outdoors” on his phone. It was going to be a very long month.


	2. Chapter 2

By Tuesday morning, Patrick’s first submission for the yard decorating tournament was complete.

Patrick had painted over two dozen headstones, each with a silly phrase or song lyrics. Popular hits such as " **He Loved Bacon** " and " **I Told You I Was Sick** " joined his other headstones in the yard and, much to David’s chagrin, Patrick stuck the husband one right in the center because he thought the judges would at least think it was funny. He placed the zombie cutouts he'd bought in the mulch piles in front of some of the headstones so they'd look like they were bursting out of the fake graves and those graves without zombies were either covered in flowers from mourners or coated in thick spider webs with plastic spiders as the crowning touch. After David’s teasing about the sheets at the motel being scarier than the original ghosts he'd made, Patrick had spray painted some plastic skeletons in glow in the dark paint and had refitted the sheets around them before hanging them from the trees for an extra creepy edge.

Patrick set out one final draping of fake spiderwebs over the headstones before they left for the store, ignoring David as he laid on the car horn to get him to hurry up.

“You can’t rush perfection, David.” Patrick told him haughtily as he settled into the passenger seat but David ignored him as he glanced over his shoulder to back out of their pumpkin lined driveway.

“I wasn’t rushing perfection; I was rushing you.” David said and, because Patrick said nothing in return, David made a point to drive by their competition.

The Schitt’s had gone the minimalist skeleton route and had dressed up two skeletons in their likeness. The one had on a gray sweatshirt with a pumpkin on it that said “Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice” and jeans and a very cheap looking blonde wig. The other had on a flannel shirt and jeans and a plain white apron that said “Kill the Cook” written in permanent marker. Next to the skeletons was an old-fashioned charcoal grill with a load of plastic bugs on it. 

“Bugs aren’t that scary, David. If they wanted it to be scary, they should have put, like, a fake severed hand on the grill or something.” Patrick said and David gritted his teeth.

“Speak for yourself. I think I’m going to be sick.” David groaned, covering his mouth with his hand as they slowly drove toward the next house.

Twyla had moved just down the street from the Schitt’s around the same time they’d moved into their cottage. She had invested in quite the fixer upper and they’d been over to her home several times now to see the progress of her handiwork. Her yard display featured happy looking scarecrows holding baskets of candy. David immediately parked the car and hopped out to grab a handful of candy from the closest one. He settled back into the driver’s seat and Patrick stared at him as he eagerly bit into a piece of red licorice with a happy noise.

“I thought you felt sick?” Patrick asked and David handed him a peppermint patty as he started the car back up. Patrick always wound up with the peppermint candies because they were David’s least favorite but that was fine by him. David glanced at him in the rear view mirror as he chewed and then swallowed his bite.

“If I’m too sick for free candy, please drive me right to the hospital.” David told him solemnly. David signaled back onto the road and looked over at him as they came to the stop sign at the end of the street, clearly anxious. “Do you, um, did you want to see Ronnie’s display before we go to work?”

Patrick nodded grimly, bracing himself as David turned in the direction of Ronnie’s neighborhood. He knew without even seeing it that Ronnie’s yard would be the one to beat but nothing had prepared him for just how…familiar her yard display was. Ronnie had outfitted a zombie baseball game on her front lawn. The bases were made to look like headstones and there was a hyper realistic zombie in a Bob’s Garage team uniform pitching to a zombie in a Café Tropical uniform. While the zombies were fairly nondescript and plain, Patrick’s eyes immediately fixed on the ‘hello my name is’ sticker on the zombie at bat and felt his face grow hot with embarrassment.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Patrick growled and David did his best to keep his expression neutral, but Patrick could see he was on the brink of laughter. The zombie’s name was Patrick.

“I think it’s nice that she included you. Maybe this is like a peace offering?” David said and Patrick swiveled in his seat to give him the full impact of his indignation.

“I doubt it! The scoreboard says my team is losing nine to zero, David! And I'm the only zombie with a name tag!” Patrick cried, pointing at the offending miniature scoreboard where it was perched next to the mailbox and then back at the name tag. Patrick got out of the car and went to examine the scene further. There were two zombie outfielders and a zombie catcher and when Patrick further examined the lawn, he noticed the entire thing was covered in netted lighting so Ronnie's display would be clearly visible day or night. As if the universe was against him, Ronnie chose that very moment to step outside of her house. She fixed him with her usual assessing stare and then flashed him a smile as she made her way across the lawn.

“Oh, sorry, Brewer. I almost confused you for a second there with your handsome doppelganger.” Ronnie said as she casually leaned against Zombie Patrick. Patrick scowled at her. 

“Well at least my yard is actually scary. Yours looks like something out of a zombie comedy.” Patrick bit out and Ronnie narrowed her eyes at him. 

“For the record, I would watch that movie!” David piped up behind him. Ronnie shrugged.

“Ray and the other judges seemed to like it. Even told me I was winning so far. Guess your yard isn’t as scary as you thought.” Ronnie said with a laugh. Patrick clenched his fists and quickly scanned her yard, cataloguing what he could use to improve his own design. More lights and more gore should do it. Ronnie was still grinning smugly at him when he looked back up, now even more determined.

“Just you wait until I unveil next week’s design.” The smile fell right off of Ronnie’s face at that.

“Hold up. Are you changing your yard design weekly, Brewer?” David made a noise of protest behind him, but Patrick nodded, jutting out his chin defiantly as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I am. Gotta keep things fresh if you want to win.” Patrick smirked and Ronnie picked up one of the black baseballs sitting on her lawn and tossed it up high in the air. Patrick tracked the ball’s movements and lunged out to catch it but Ronnie snatched it out of reach before he could do so.

“We’ll see about that winning bit. Now could you kindly get off my lawn? Don’t you have a business to run or something?” Ronnie sneered and it was all Patrick could do not to knock Zombie Patrick over just so she would have to fix it. Instead, he puffed up his chest and did the next best thing he could think of.

“Don’t you?” Patrick snarked back and David’s hand fisted in the back of his shirt collar dragging him back toward the car. Ronnie’s mouth dropped open in outrage and Patrick felt satisfied for having put that expression there even as David all but shoved him back into the car. David yanked the driver’s side door open and slammed it shut before reversing with impressive speed and heading back toward town. Patrick immediately turned to David to plead his case but David held up a finger in warning.

“No. That’s enough out of you for the time being.” David said and Patrick couldn’t help the angry noise he let out in response even though he knew it would make David even more annoyed at him. Patrick pulled open his notes app on his phone and began brainstorming the specifics for a new and better yard display and the rest of the car ride passed in relative silence. Patrick knew he should feel sorry for already breaking his promise to David so soon but he really hadn’t expected to be part of Ronnie’s yard display. She clearly started the fight and who was Patrick to just stand aside and let her finish it? Patrick was prepared to tell David just as much when he parked the car in their usual parking spot behind the store, but the loaded look on David’s face had him feeling less confident in his reasoning.

“Patrick, I know her yard display made you mad, but you don’t need to engage every time.” David sighed and although Patrick knew David was right, he didn’t want to admit it. Instead, he changed tactics. 

“You’re just saying that because you liked her yard better than mine.” Patrick grumbled as he followed David to the front door. David shook his keys at him, his face transitioning from annoyed to annoyed and guilty in the blink of an eye.

“I never said that!” David cried but one of things Patrick loved most about his husband was his expressive face and how it could never quite hide what David was feeling. Though, admittedly, right now he sort of wished it would.

“Well _do_ you like her display better?” Patrick asked as David busied himself with the lock. He took ages to get the door unlocked, far longer than his usual graceful flick of the wrist, and when David tried to hold the door open for him, Patrick waved David through it with an expectant tilt of his chin. David sighed.

“I wouldn’t say I liked it better, but it was, um, a little creepier than yours.” David said quietly before scurrying away from Patrick so he could pretend to reorganize a basket of decorative knit pumpkins near the back of the store. Patrick wanted to throw one of them at his head.

“I knew it. Next week I’m going to settle this tournament once and for all.” Patrick declared. David eyed him wearily, but Patrick was even more determined now to win. This was bigger than the lawn mower or even bragging rights. It was about wiping that self-satisfied smirk off of Ronnie’s face.

“Does your original idea contain a clause where I get to remain a neutral party to all of this?” David asked hopefully and Patrick shook his head. He slipped behind the register and pulled out a fresh sheet of receipt paper to jot down the shopping list he’d started building in his head. 

“Nope. We’re running to the store after work so I can get started.” David groaned all the way into the storage room and when he emerged with a box of ginger scented hand creams, he pointed one of the tubes in Patrick’s face as a warning.

“Ugh. Fine. But if we’re going to Elmdale, we’re getting pizza from the place with the little pepperoni cups and I want a whole order of cannolis too.” David warned but to Patrick it just sounded like another victory.

“Deal. Hey David, do you know why I’m going to win with the new display?” 

David pointedly ignored him as he carefully piled the tubes of hand creams into a basket, but Patrick knew his next idea was going to blow David away because _dragons_.

* * *

That Sunday, Stevie and David sat beneath David’s favorite reading tree, a lovely old willow at the very edge of their front yard, intent on watching Patrick as he prepared his grand new lawn design. David had moved two comfortable wicker chairs and a small table from the back deck to allow for a front row seat all the action. Stevie tilted her head back to stare up through the branches of the willow tree, her hand absently swirling the glass of the sweet apple wine she’d brought back from her recent business trip to Vermont. 

“You know David, I have to admit: marriage has changed you.” Stevie said, stealing a peak at David’s disgruntled face as he swallowed a large mouthful of wine. It wasn't often the two of them got to spend time together like this on a Sunday and so drinking and insults took precedence over all other bonding activities.

“How so?” David asked and Stevie gestured to the state of the yard as if that should speak for itself.

In the past few hours, Patrick had assembled a full undead medieval court in their yard. Two skeleton knights on skeleton horse charges were outfitted with armor Patrick had fashioned out of old sheet metal scraps he’d gotten from Ivan in exchange for several jars of their organic applesauce for his fall baking. The skeleton knight’s weapons were fashioned from broken down parts of other skeletons glued together to look like jousting poles. A king and queen skeleton sat watching the silent battle from thrones made from the headstones of last week’s yard display. On the far side of the yard, a third skelton night stood ready to face the challenge of not one, not two, but _three_ inflatable dragons. Patrick was currently cursing to himself as he attempted to set them up in a way that didn’t make their yard look incredibly tacky. David was fairly certain that wasn’t possible, but he was willing to give Patrick the benefit of the doubt so long as he didn’t have to be involved with it.

David turned to look at Stevie and found she was already watching him with one hand resting on her check.

“What?” David asked and her smile grew.

“I think you secretly like this insanity.” Stevie accused. 

David pulled another long drink of wine from his glass and popped a pretzel into his mouth to avoid answering, which just made Stevie smile even wider. David definitely did not approve of the design or the fact that his husband was leaving David cold and alone in bed as he woke up earlier and earlier to build lawn decorations. Yesterday he’d stayed up so late, David was asleep before he’d even come to bed and Patrick was gone before he woke up. But even with all of that, it was nice to watch Patrick work on something he was passionate about and he would not be shamed by Stevie for appreciating his husband’s competency. Stevie’s battered her eyes at him innocently.

“Bet you never dreamed you’d have your own dragon. Are you guys going to name them? Do I get to be godmother to your dragon children?” Stevie asked but before David could answer, Patrick was calling his name from across the yard. David sighed and set his wine glass down on the little table between their chairs along with their assembled Patrick watching snacks.

“If you’ll excuse me, there seems to be a damsel in distress and this knight has to do some saving.” David declared, trying for a posh English accent that came out more Cockney than anything, but he succeeded in making Stevie laugh. “And don’t drink my wine!” He called over his shoulder as he trotted across the yard to rescue Patrick from his dragons. 

Patrick was on his belly in the dirt, surrounded by a cluster of wires and large black boxes that looked like leaf blowers. The dragons were currently a deflated mess of black, purple, and dark green fabric. Patrick rolled onto his back and grinned at David. There was grass in his hair and paint from the coat of arms he’d painted on the skeleton knights smeared across his cheek. The bags under his eyes were a bit more pronounced than usual and David made a silent promise to apply some of the eucalyptus eye cream on them himself before Patrick went to sleep tonight. 

“David, can you hold up the green dragon? It’s not inflating properly, and I’m worried there might be a hole in it.” Patrick grabbed for the fabric behind his head and lifted it up for David to see what he was talking about. David skipped the dirty joke that he wanted to make and moved around Patrick’s prone form to lift the would-be dragon up. Admittedly it would probably look more intimidating once inflated but right now it looked very cartoony and not scary at all. David watched as Patrick crawled on his belly, screwdriver in hand, and began tinkering with the air blowing mechanism.

“You’re doing great, David!” Stevie yelled from across the yard and David moved one hand off the dragon to flip her off until Patrick yelled at him that he needed both hands holding to be up the fabric.

After another minute or two of tinkering, something made a sharp clicking noise and a strong gust of air burst through the fabric. David almost dropped the thing in alarm. Patrick’s little crow of victory was so cute, David couldn’t help but smile down at him as he brushed the dirt from his shirt. Patrick moved to stand next to David, grinning his creature sprang to life. Soon enough, David could see his hold was no longer needed and Patrick slung an arm low across his waist as they watched the dragon grow from four feet to a gargantuan twelve. David heard Stevie’s footsteps behind them and then felt her own hand petting him gently on the arm.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” Stevie said, lifting her now empty wine glass in a toast. Patrick smiled at Stevie while David wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Technically I don’t think it has a gender.” Patrick offered and Stevie shook her head. 

“Wrong. Most dragons are female. That’s what makes them so terrifying and beautiful.” Stevie declared and David narrowed his eyes. There was something about the way that she was now leaning against him that felt a little off.

“Did you drink the rest of the wine without me?” Stevie nodded vigorously and then seemed to think better of it. She pointed at him, her face scrunched up like she often did when exposed to cute things for too long.

“That’s what you get for making your heart eyes too loud.” Stevie gestured in their general direction, glaring when Patrick pulled David in even tighter just to prove her point. “I’m walking home. Cool yard, Patrick. I hope David lets you keep it like this year ‘round.” Patrick let out a quiet little “yessss” at Stevie’s approval and David watched her start off down the street toward home.

“Should we have offered her a ride?” Patrick asked after a moment even as he lowered himself back to the ground to inflate the other two dragons. David shrugged.

“It’s only three o’clock and I’ve seen her walk off four fingers of vodka like it’s water. She’ll be fine.”

Patrick nodded and David returned to his chair and started in on the book he’d brought out with him. The rest of the afternoon passed easily enough and by the time David looked up again, the yard was finally complete, dragons and all. The ghosts in the trees now wore the same crests as the knights and Patrick had added a few fake owls and ravens as a finishing touch. The dragons glowed bright even in the late afternoon sunshine and Patrick was striding toward him with a wide smile on his face.

“I think it’s safe to say we have a winning yard now.” Patrick told him as he got closer. David set his book down on the table and allowed Patrick to pull him up out of his chair. His arms wrapped easily around Patrick’s neck and although he still smelled faintly of dirt and grass and paint, there was the underlying scent of Patrick underneath it all that still made David’s heart beat faster in his chest. He watched Patrick’s eyes fall to his lips and David smirked at him. 

“Presumptuous, aren’t we, Mr. Brewer? Nothing is a sure thing.” David teased and he watched Patrick’s eyes darken just as he’d hoped they would.

“Oh baby, I know a sure thing when I see one.” Patrick purred. It was a truly terrible line and David wanted to call him out for it but then Patrick was kissing up his neck right in the front yard. David groaned as Patrick ran his fingers up and down David’s back, pulling him in close as he nipped at David’s pulse point. David was just about to suggest taking all that energy into the bedroom when a car horn startled them apart.

“Wow, gentlemen! The yard looks amazing!” Ray called, waving at them from his car window.

David groaned and started up at the sky to summon the strength to will his burgeoning desire back down.

“We have our own home now. How the fuck is he still walking in on us?” David hissed as Patrick tried to hide his laughter. He grabbed David’s hand and marched them over toward Ray’s car.

“I love the improvements, Patrick! I’ll be sure to let the other judges know to come by and see the changes you’ve made! Between this upgrade and Ronnie’s new pirate ship theme, I think this tournament has a clear competitive rivalry already!” Ray said and David felt Patrick go very still next to him.

“I—I’m sorry. Did you say Ronnie changed her yard too?” Patrick asked faintly and although it was a close approximation to the polite voice Patrick always used with Ray, David could feel how rigid he was holding himself. Ray nodded eagerly, clearly not reading the situation well.

“Oh yes! It looks wonderful. She even has music now!” Ray said as Patrick breathed out harshly through his nostrils. “I had better get going. I was on my way to an open house on the other side of town but, seriously keep up the great work, Patrick! I think you’re still quite the contender!” Ray drove off with a wave, unaware of the bomb he had just detonated over Patrick’s good mood and David’s plans for the evening. Before David could say anything, Patrick was sprinting over toward the car.

“Patrick! Patrick, wait!” David called but Patrick just yelled over his shoulder for him to get in the car and David obeyed because one, he wanted to support his husband as best he could, and two, he sort of wanted to see Ronnie’s new display too. 

Ray, for once in his life, may have undersold something because Ronnie’s new yard display was _stunning_. She’d somehow built an actual pirate ship and it was so large it nearly eclipsed her house. The black sails of the ship billowed out ominously in the cool evening breeze and an anchor made of skulls wrapped around the mailbox. The zombie baseball players from before had been transformed into zombie pirates, though David could definitely see the Café Tropical baseball shirt with the nametag on Zombie Patrick through the gap in his new pirate coat. Zombie Patrick was now captaining the pirate ship through the waters of Ronnie’s lawn so at least that seemed like an upgrade for him. Two of the zombie pirates were having a sword fight on the starboard side of the ship and one of the pirates had his sword drawn behind Zombie Pirate Captain Patrick’s back, clearly about to take control of the ship by way of undead murder. It was dark enough now that blue spotlights aimed at the ship itself created the effect of moving water and “A Pirate’s Life for Me” played at an eerily slow tempo from within the ship, making the whole scene delightfully creepy.

David looked over at Patrick and was unsurprised to see he looked angry.

“C’mon, Patrick. Why don’t we go to the café and grab some dinner? It’s Italian night? You can get that tortellini special you like so much? The one with the pink sauce?” David said, keeping his voice at a gentle murmur as he ran a comforting hand across Patrick’s shoulders. Patrick’s expression did not change, and he turned on his heel toward the car. They sat in silence as Patrick drove them back home and Patrick spent the rest of the night bent over his desk in their home office coming up with yet another new yard display. David placed the lasagna he and Marcy had put together and frozen last month into the oven, but Patrick was too distracted to come downstairs to eat it when it was ready. David made him up a plate and placed it in the fridge. He ate his own dinner in front of the TV, watching one of his housewife reality shows but it wasn’t the same without Patrick’s musical commentary. David went to bed alone for the second night in a row, missing his husband but grateful this silly tournament was at least halfway over.

* * *

Patrick was deep in the planning stages of yard design number three: alien invasion, and although he hadn’t slept more than four or five hours in the past week, he felt excited that all the pieces were finally coming together. The miniature spotlights he wanted were supposedly in stock again at the store, and Patrick was determined to get there before they sold out of them. This was his third try to get these specific lights, and if he didn’t leave the store with them this time he’d have to think of another way to light up his UFO crash site. David barely looked up from his spot at the register when he told him he had an errand to run. David clearly knew the errand was tournament related but he didn’t tease or scold Patrick like he might have a week ago. Patrick hated how withdrawn and sad David seemed the past few days. He felt like they were ships passing in the night and Patrick made a promise to himself to treat David to more than just a nice dinner when all this was over. But first, he had to win.

Patrick pulled into the parking lot of the store, hoping for the best, but alas no lights.

“I’m sorry, sir. These just seem to be really popular this week!” The teenaged girl behind the counter had said when Patrick’s disappointment must have telegraphed across his face. Patrick finally settled for less on his lighting situation and picked up several packs of green string lights, hoping he could do a bit of rewiring to boost the power of the tiny green bulbs to make his UFO really shine. He passed by a roadside stand selling flowers on the way back into town and bought David a lovely bouquet of wildflowers that he hoped would help serve as an apology for the extra time Patrick had been spending on the yard. When he arrived back at the store, Stevie was there, and he caught the back half of David’s sentence right as he walked in.

“—miss him is all. I hate what this stupid tournament is doing to him.” The sound of the bell caused both pairs of eyes to fall on him and David snapped his mouth shut so quickly Patrick was frankly worried for his teeth.

“Nice of you to join us.” Stevie told him breezily, frowning at the bags of lights in his hand. “Busy running errands for the store you own with your husband?” Stevie asked him and Patrick rolled his eyes at her.

“My husband is well aware of the errands I was running, Stevie, thanks.” He meant for it to come out teasing, but the joke fell flat even to his ears. Stevie immediately bristled and she and David shared a long look before she retreated out the door without so much as a goodbye. David’s eyes flicked to the bags and Patrick pulled the bouquet from behind his back. David’s frowned settled into a small but somewhat reluctant smile. He walked over to the counter and David accepted the flowers, pressing a soft kiss to Patrick’s cheek. David slipped into the back room and returned with one of the simple vases they used for making gift baskets. 

“These are very pretty.” David said as he set the flowers on the counter, brushing a fingertip across the petals of a bright purple zinnia.

“I thought you needed a little pick me up. I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately.” Patrick said and David’s smile grew into something far closer to his normal one.

“It’s alright. You’re almost done now and then we get to have a sophisticated and expensive dinner together to celebrate.” David said and Patrick leaned in to kiss him over the counter feeling much better about things.

The improved mode between them continued through the rest of the day and into the following. David even helped him string up the lights in the UFO that evening after dinner. Patrick cut the base out of cardboard and used the metal sheeting from the knight armor to give it a metallic quality that he heightened with glittering silver paint. An enormous glass mixing bowl and the smaller identical ice cream bowls he’d found at a second-hand shop provided the pod and the windows for the UFO. He’d jammed the UFO in the center of their yard as though it had crash landed and surrounded it with no less than twenty hyper-realistic aliens. 

The aliens were a special rush order from a movie prop company in Vancouver and although Patrick had initially balked at the price, it was worth it for the quality. His alien invasion looked far more menacing than his attack dragons, lit up in ethereal blue and white, with terrifying looking teeth and tongues. His skeletons from the week before reappeared on stretchers as the victims of the alien invasion. A fog machine covered the majority of the wiring for the string lights in the UFO and a waterproof Bluetooth speaker played a loop of Halloween classics played on the theremin, the most extraterrestrial sounding instrument of them all. 

David had admitted he’d outdone himself with the yard and Patrick felt great about it. Ray had even dropped by the store to compliment him on the upgrade. In fact, Patrick was so pleased with the yard that he made dinner reservations the following day for the new high end sushi bar in Elm Ridge. David’s eyes lit up when he told him of their dinner plans and Patrick even agreed to close the store a little early so David could get ready. It was worth it so see David dressed in the dinner jacket he only broke out for special occasions, the textured black fabric looking almost scale like over a red so dark it was nearly black. The jacket accentuated the broad expanse of David’s shoulders and Patrick’s mouth felt suddenly very dry as he took in the sight of David giving his hair a once over in the mirror.

Patrick had decided to go the route of nostalgia by wearing his old dinner jacket from their very first date just to watch the watery look that took over David’s face when he noticed it. David had taught him how clothes can tell a story and tonight Patrick wanted their own love story to be at the front of David’s mind. Patrick knew his plan had worked when their waiter poured them both glasses of celebratory saké because he had assumed it was their anniversary from the way they were looking at each other. Neither of them bothered to correct him.

“To us.” Patrick said, appreciating the flush on David’s face as they clinked their glasses together in toast.

“To a night spent together at last.” David countered before knocking back half the glass of saké in one go. The saké burned pleasantly as it made its way down Patrick’s throat and Patrick allowed David to take the lead on their roll selections. They talked and ate and argued playfully over who would pay the bill. David even shared bites of his matcha ice cream with Patrick, his eyes growing dark as he watched Patrick’s tongue wrap around the spoon perhaps a bit more graphically than was necessary.

When they’d returned home and changed, Patrick suggested a late night stroll and David huffed.

“You just want to confirm our yard is better than Ronnie’s.” David said but he followed after Patrick, linking their arms together as they started out on their walk. The night was cool and crisp but they hardly felt it bundled up in their jackets. The smell of David’s cologne mingled with the earthy scent of the fallen leaves in the yards they passed. Both the Schitts’ yard and Twyla’s yard had not changed since the first week, though Twyla had clearly restocked the candy. Patrick plucked out a handful of peanut butter cups with a wink at David because he knew they were his favorite.

“This was a really fun night but I’m so tired, I think you need to take me home and put me to bed.” David said, faking a yawn just before they turned on to Ronnie’s street. Patrick narrowed his eyes at him.

“Nice try, baby. We can do that just as soon as we’re done with our walk.” Patrick said and they turned down the street toward Ronnie’s house. The light of the moon and stars illuminated their path but as they got closer, Patrick noticed a bright green glow coming from the direction of Ronnie’s house and by the time they’d gotten close enough to see it, Patrick realized who had been buying out all the lights he’d wanted.

Whereas Patrick had gone the route of aliens, Ronnie’s yard was a ghostly invasion. Her zombies were now dressed in jumpsuits as ghost catchers and dozens of whisp like specters appeared to be flying around the yard. The yard itself was lit green by the lights Patrick had wanted for his own yard and he had to admit they were even more impressive in person than they’d been online. Zombie Pirate Captain Ghost Catcher Patrick was caught mid-run as he appeared to be chased by a trio of ghosts and his ghost catcher friend held what looked like a leaf blower turned ghost containment unit out toward the ghosts’ fluttering tails. Green slime covered the entire scene and David gasped as he pointed toward the house. The house itself had ghostly shadows that seemed to pop in and out of the windows periodically, a clever light trick that Patrick had absolutely no idea how to replicate.

“What does she think this is, Disneyland?” Patrick grumbled and he could feel David’s eyes on him.

“C’mon, I think it’s time for some tea and cookies. I got the ginger ones from the store the other day that you like so much.” David said softly and Patrick smiled at him.

“Actually, I’d love a cup of coffee. I think I’ve got a bit more work to do—”

“Patrick.” David said, his voice low in warning and Patrick sighed. He gave David’s hand a squeeze and when they arrived home, he obediently drank his tea and had his cookies and then he cuddled up beside David to go to sleep. 

And he truly did try to go to sleep. He counted backwards from one hundred, recited all the tax codes he could remember, and mentally went over the projections for the next quarter, but still sleep wouldn’t come. He could not get over Ronnie buying out all those lights just so he wouldn’t be able to use them. He watched the steady rise and fall of David’s breath as he slept and carefully extracted himself from the bed. David rolled over and Patrick held still for several moments before David snuggled into Patrick’s pillow with a sleepy sigh.

Before he could change his mind, Patrick slipped on his shoes and jacket and quietly snuck out of the house and toward Ronnie’s. When he arrived, he carefully pulled the lights from the ground, stuffing them into the bag he’d brought with him. This was not his finest moment but if he couldn’t use the lights he’d wanted, why should Ronnie get to? Besides, even he had to admit her yard display still looked plenty impressive without the extra lights. Perhaps she’d assume it was teenagers pulling a Halloween prank on her and leave it be. Patrick completed the task and returned home without being spotted or seen and he stashed the lights in the back of the garage, trying in vain to ignore the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach or how disappointed David would be if he knew what Patrick had been up to.

As he snuck back inside, he noticed one of the aliens had shifted in the wind and now appeared to be staring at him. 

“Mind your business.” Patrick grumbled at it as he moved silently through the front door. David was still asleep in bed and Patrick snuggled into his side, humming happily when David’s arms wrapped around him in his sleep.

Patrick was surprised to find himself alone in bed when he woke the next morning. It was so rare for David to wake up before he did but perhaps the lack of sleep was finally starting to catch up to him. Patrick dressed for the day and headed downstairs to find his husband when he heard a low feminine laugh that definitely was not David’s. Patrick turned into the kitchen to find David and Ronnie seated together at the table, clutching cups of coffee and chatting. There was a small cake between the two of them in a red baking dish and the smell of warm apples filled the kitchen. David noticed him first and smiled.

“Oh good morning, Patrick. Did you sleep well?” David asked with a smile. Patrick noticed there was something wrong with his smile and though he knew David had gotten a full night’s sleep, he looked exhausted. Ronnie eyed him coldly as she drank from Patrick’s favorite _Star Wars_ mug. Before Patrick could determine a proper response, David continued. 

“You know, Ronnie here decided to swing by and drop off this lovely apple cake she made, and also show me this hilarious video from her doorbell camera.” David said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he made his way through the end sentence. David held out his hand and Ronnie placed her phone in it and Patrick watched in horror as he appeared on the screen. Although it was dark, the lights from the display and the night vision feature on the doorbell camera made sure there was no mistaking Patrick's thievery for a teenaged hooligan's mischievous prank. David set the phone down on the table abruptly and Patrick could see the polite mask he was clearly holding on to for Ronnie’s sake starting to crack.

“Now, I was just telling David it was a harmless little joke, but I would like my lights back.” Ronnie said lightly, clearly beyond amused, but it was the stony look on David’s face that sent Patrick running out to the garage to grab the bag of stolen lights. Patrick handed her the bag wordlessly until David cleared his throat angrily next to him.

“I’m sorry for the joke, Ronnie.” Patrick said through gritted teeth. Ronnie smirked at him.

“Water under the bridge, Brewer. You two have a nice morning. I’ll send you that cake recipe when I get home, David.” Ronnie stood and saw herself out and Patrick wished she would have stayed if only to spare him the inevitable wrath of David. Patrick fell heavily into the seat at the far end of the table, unwilling to look David in the eye. Patrick heard the clinking of a knife as David cut himself another piece of cake but other than that the silence was deafening.

“David…” Patrick tried, looking up but the look on David’s face was even more terrifying than the silence. David was so rarely without words that the sudden quiet was far worse than the well-deserved tirade he’d expected. Instead, David ate his cake, drank his coffee, and then crossed the room to kiss Patrick firmly on the lips.

Patrick was so shocked, he mostly just sat unresponsive as David kissed him like the world was ending. When David finally pulled back, Patrick realized in a moment of startling clarity that maybe it was. 

“I love you, honey. I want you to know that we’re fine, we’re _always_ gonna be fine, but I’m staying at the motel until this is all over.” David said and Patrick felt his heart sink.

“David, I’m sorry! It was a stupid idea and I felt guilty the moment I did it—” But David just shook his head sadly.

“I know you’re sorry, but I think me being here isn’t helpful for you. This way you can stay up as late as you want working on the yard.” David said, trying to look optimistic but Patrick knew this was killing him just as much as it was going to kill Patrick.

“And besides, we will still see each other at the store every day. I need my daily kisses after all.” David pressed a kiss to Patrick’s forehead and then made his way up the stairs, presumably to pack a bag.

Patrick pillowed his face in his arms on the table and fought back the tears as he focused on his breathing. He knew he needed to find a way to make things right, but he was unsure how. All he knew now was that he’d made their beautiful home so uninhabitable, David was escaping to the last place that had felt like home to him. Patrick let the tears come.


	3. Chapter 3

David couldn’t decide which was worse: sleeping at the motel without his family or knowing Patrick was sleeping in their home by himself. Though, considering Patrick’s new anti-sleep schedule, it was quite likely he wasn’t sleeping at all. David was back in his old room and he’d pushed the two twin beds together because having to look at the empty bed Alexis once occupied only made him feel worse. David gathered up his toiletry bag and headed toward the bathroom to begin his morning skincare routine after shooting off an “I love you and I miss you” text to Patrick. Though David wasn’t exactly sure removing himself from the situation was really the best decision, he hoped it would help Patrick come back to himself.  
  
Changing over the yard each week had been time consuming and costly and though David wasn’t the numbers guy, he had a sinking suspicion their budget would be a little tighter next month as a result. And it wasn’t like David had expected Patrick not to get a little competitive even though he’d initially promised not to fight with Ronnie, but sneaking out of their home in the middle of the night to steal some stupid lights off of Ronnie’s lawn was the sort of thing he expected out of…well, himself. Patrick wasn’t supposed to be the one to work in the morally gray area. Patrick was good and kind and nice and this little feud with Ronnie was getting to be ridiculous because David knew Ronnie cared about them both. It was Ronnie who had helped ensure their wedding was full of all the beautiful flowers they could ever hope for and Ronnie who had rounded up a group of townies to help them move into their new home and Ronnie who, despite their differences, was always in the front row for open mic nights begrudgingly eager to hear Patrick sing.  
  
A knock at the door pulled David from his thoughts. He crossed the room to open it and found Stevie with a bag of breakfast burritos, fresh pressed juice, and a worried look on her face David did not find comforting at all.  
  
“Oh god, what happened? Is Patrick okay?” David gasped, his gut twisting anxiously as he stepped aside to allow Stevie in. She quickly nodded her head, setting the food down on the table and pulling up a chair. She gestured to the chair on the other side and started taking burritos out of the bag. David immensely appreciated the fact that she’d bought him both a chorizo breakfast burrito and steak breakfast burrito because David could never choose between the two.  
  
“Patrick’s fine.” Stevie said, making sure she had David’s full attention before going on. “But I had to drive by your house to get breakfast and…” Stevie trailed off and David immediately panicked.  
  
“What’s wrong with our house? Oh god is the yard worse? Did he bring out the dragons again?” David cried in dismay. Stevie blinked at him.  
  
“Um. No.” She said, drawing out the syllable just so David would be sure to hear it. “He took everything down.”  
  
Stevie unwrapped her burrito and took a huge bite, clearly unwilling to wait any longer. Now it was David’s turn to stare at her.  
  
“He…what?” Stevie took a swig of her grapefruit juice before she answered but David could tell she was more interested in inhaling her breakfast than she was talking about David's lawn drama which, to be fair, these were amazing burritos.  
  
“He took it all down. Everything looks normal. He might have added a couple extra mums or something to the garden, but all the spooky stuff is gone. Now eat your burritos, I spent way too much money for the extra meat upgrade.” Stevie admonished. David managed a bite or two of his burrito and while he appreciated Stevie making a special trip to get his favorite breakfast, he couldn’t stop thinking about all of Patrick’s hard work going to waste.  
  
“I can’t tell him to put it all back up, can I? I’ll look like a hypocrite, but...he worked so hard on that yard, Stevie.” David said. Stevie took another bite, chewing thoughtfully.  
  
“I’m not going to talk to him for you if that’s what you’re asking for.” Stevie said and David sighed.  
  
“Not even if I promise you a full case of that pinot noir you like so much next time I get a shipment?” David asked. Stevie stole a tater tot that had fallen out of his burrito onto the foil wrapper and popped it into her mouth as she considered.  
  
“Mmm nope. You made your bed and now you must lie in it alone.” Stevie said with a grin. “No platonic sleepovers for you this time.” David retaliated by snatching the burrito out of her hand and taking a large, messy bite. She elbowed him to get it back and David smiled for what felt like the first time in days.  
  
After they’d finished their breakfast, it was David’s turn to open the store so he made the short walk into town since it was a nice morning. This would be the first time he’d see Patrick since he’d left their home two days ago since the store was closed on Mondays and it felt a little like the early days of the store, when David would try to talk out some of the conversations he could have with Patrick in his head. He hadn’t wanted to say anything that would scare him off as a business partner and now here David was again, rehearsing a conversation in which he admonished Patrick’s childish act of revenge but encouraged him to keep trying to win the tournament. His phone buzzed in his pocket just as he arrived at the store.

  
Patrick ❤️  
  
Morning, honey! I miss you and I love you so much. See you soon. 💕  
  
Hi, sweetheart. I love you and I miss you too. I’m actually not feeling very well today so I’m going to take a sick day. I’ll see you tomorrow.  
  


David nearly dropped his phone in shock. Patrick never took sick days. David set his phone down on the counter and scrubbed a hand over his face. The chances of Patrick actually being sick were very low, and David couldn’t help but feel responsible. He wanted to send a text back, but he was suddenly unsure what to say. **I’m sorry you feel badly** or **I do too** but mostly **I want to come home**.  
  
The day crawled by without Patrick there. The once clear morning had turned foggy and cold, and the regular foot traffic was sparse. Jocelyn had come by for her biweekly bottle of body milk and two older ladies had browsed and left empty handed. David was hoping to slip into the back to maybe grab a quick nap when Ronnie entered the store. David offered her a weary smile.  
  
“Morning, Ronnie.” Ronnie nodded at him, slowly making her way over to the register.  
  
“David.” She said and the way she said his name paired with the expression of regret that flashed across her face made David anxious.  
  
“Is there, um, something I can help you with?” David asked but Ronnie shook her head.  
  
“No, I’m actually here to help you.” Ronnie said. She picked up a candle, sniffed it, and set it on the counter before fixing him with a hard look. David frowned when she didn’t say anything else.  
  
“Um, I think I have some other candles in the back if you don’t care for that one. I know the cranberry scent is a little strong—”  
  
“I’m not here to buy something, David.” Ronnie snapped and David took a step backward in alarm. Ronnie sighed, crossing her arms and then immediately shaking them out and away from her body .  
  
“I am no good at this, but I think we both made a mistake.” Ronnie admitted and out of all the things he had been expecting her to say, that was not one of them. David stared at her in shock and Ronnie glared at the candle on the counter like it personally offended her. Ronnie picked it up and moved it back onto the display table with the others.  
  
“Look, this is the first and the only time I’m going to say this out loud but contrary to what you might believe, I actually like Brewer.” Ronnie still scowled as she said it, as though the words caused her great pain, and David opened and closed his mouth several times before finally settling on a response.  
  
“See, I’d believe that more if you didn’t look physically ill while saying it.”  
  
“Really?” Ronnie’s voice was dry and unamused and David mimed zipping his lips with a wry smile. She was quiet for another minute as she worked up the effort to speak.  
  
“I like Brewer because the kid’s got heart and he’s fun to pick on,” Ronnie said, the words coming out stilted but sincere as David blinked at her owlishly. “But I can’t stand this defeatist bullshit with him taking down his yard display a week before the end of the tournament and then I come to find out _you’re_ staying at the motel.”  
  
Ronnie finished by shoving an accusatory finger in his face and David blushed.  
  
“This isn’t my fault!” David cried and Ronnie folded her arms and gave him her best glare. “Patrick was the one acting like a child and I didn’t want to be part of that!”  
  
“Look I get it, but it’s no fun winning by default and it’s even less fun coming in here and seeing you moping around.” David met Ronnie's glare with a glare of his own.  
  
“Excuse you, I am not _moping around_.”  
  
“You’ve looked at your phone no less than fifteen times since I’ve been here. Let me guess, Brewer is suddenly sick?” David bristled, shoving his phone into his back pocket.  
  
“How did you…he’s fine.” Ronnie’s expression shifted to something softer, her arms falling open to the side as she paused to consider his words.  
  
“He’s not fine. You need to stop fighting with your man and go fight for him, David.” Ronnie said and David was surprised by the gentle tone of her admonishment.  
  
“Besides, you and I both know he’s not going to beat me on his own and you’re the one with the eye for design.” David nodded thoughtfully. 

Ever since he’d started staying at the motel, he’d been scouring the internet for Halloween yard designs because he’d thought maybe if he could see enough of them, he’d understand Patrick’s mania. As it turned out he did have a few ideas he thought would maintain the integrity of their cottage design while also making sure it was creepy enough to win. But how could he go back now? He had the store to run today and who was to say that Patrick wouldn’t just call out sick tomorrow too?  
  
The bell at the door jingled and David looked up, hopeful that Patrick might have changed his mind, but it was just Jocelyn. She waved at them both brightly.  
  
“Hey you two! Ronnie, I was just on my way home when I got your text and fortunately I was able to drop Roland Jr. off with his sitter.” Jocelyn glanced at Ronnie and she gave her a curt nod. “David, I am all set to cover the store while you go take care of Patrick! I sure hope he feels better soon!” Jocelyn beamed at him before slipping in the back to put her bag down. David turned to Ronnie, stunned.  
  
“You texted Jocelyn?”  
  
Ronnie smiled.  
  
“Go home, David.” David hastily gathered his things, gave Jocelyn a few instructions for how to close, and before he could talk himself out of it, he pulled Ronnie into a hug. She immediately tensed but then hugged him back with surprising strength.  
  
“Thank you, Ronnie.” David whispered before pulling away and he could see she was a little affected by their heart to heart too. She shooed him toward the door.  
  
“Get out of here before I change my mind.”  
  
David nearly ran the entire way home, although, had anyone asked, he would’ve called it a New York City fast walk, thank you so much. The yard looked exactly as it did before the competition had started and David really hoped Patrick hadn’t thrown out all of his decorations in his regretful state. The front door was unlocked so he slipped inside silently. The house was eerily quiet which was odd as it was just after eleven. David set his bag down and continued on into the living room to find Patrick asleep on the couch. He was covered from the waist down in the Mantas Ezcaray Matisse Mohair throw blanket that David had won in an eBay auction over a year ago and David could see he was bundled up in one of David’s older sweaters, a black and grey toned Alexander McQueen from the fall 2014 collection. Patrick’s face looked discontented even in sleep and David noticed the balled-up tissues and takeout containers scattered across the coffee table. David carefully settled onto his knees beside Patrick’s sleeping form, his fingers gently sweeping across Patrick’s hairline and cheeks. Patrick stirred in his sleep shifting away from David’s gentle touches until David pressed his lips to Patrick’s forehead.  
  
“David?” Patrick breathed, his voice sounding raw with disuse. Patrick’s eyes fluttered open and he immediately reached for David, his face crumpling as David scrambled onto the couch to pull him into a tight hug. They held each other close, each breathing harshly as David tucked his face into Patrick’s neck. He felt the weight of the past few days and all the frustrating weeks that had come before them melt away as he pulled Patrick even closer but it still wasn’t enough. “Missed you.” Patrick choked out above him, carding his fingers through David’s hair as David muffled a sob of his own against Patrick’s throat. It felt good to be home.  
  
Eventually, David pulled back, swiping at the few errant tears that had slipped out as he took in Patrick’s own tear streaked face. Patrick smiled at him so joyfully that David could only respond by capturing that smile in a kiss, humming loudly and eagerly into the kiss until they were both giggling against each other’s lips. Patrick’s hands had migrated from David’s hair to his face and he held David’s face in his hands and just looked at him for a long time while David worked through the lump in his throat at his husband’s loving gaze.  
  
“I missed you too, you know.” David said and Patrick looked like he was ready to start crying all over again and there was no time for that with what David had in mind for their yard. “But I do have one small favor to ask.” David watched as Patrick’s face lit up at the thought of doing something for David and it made David’s heart melt.  
  
“Anything, David. Name it and it’s yours.” God this _man_. David kissed him once more just because he could before he slid off the couch. He smiled down at Patrick with his hands on his hips, eager to see how Patrick would take the news.  
  
“I want to help you decorate the lawn for the tournament.” Patrick’s adorable bewildered face was absolutely priceless.  
  
“What?” Patrick squeaked, the blanket falling off the couch and onto the floor as he moved to stand. David grinned at him.  
  
“I’ve got a pretty good design in mind. I actually sketched it out last night. It’s not totally off-brand for me and I think it just might give you that last push you need to win.” David declared, suddenly glad he’d been brainstorming the past few days. There was a lot they’d need to do to get it done in time but David felt confident they could pull it off together. Patrick still looked wary.  
  
“David, I don’t care about the stupid tournament. Honestly, you don’t have to do this.” Patrick tried but it was hardly convincing. David raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Excuse you, who said this was just about you now? This is a household of winners, is it not?” David knew Patrick would rise to the challenge and sure enough Patrick’s eyes snapped up to meet his own. He shrugged halfheartedly.  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“You guess. Of course, it is.” David said fiercely and something clearly fell into place because that competitive spark was back in Patrick’s eyes. “Now, I love you, but you need a shower and a shave. Meet me back in the kitchen in a half hour so we can get started. We’ve got a mood board to conjure up and then supplies to buy.”  
  
Patrick gave David his best scout salute before he ran out of the room and up the stairs to do as he was told. David rolled out his shoulders and blew out a nervous breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. It was time to get to work.

* * *

  
The entire house looked incredible, far beyond what Patrick had ever thought possible. Between David’s vision and his own moderately adequate building skills, they had turned their lawn, garden, and the façade of their charming little cottage into a proper witch’s cottage. David had described it as “a modern Gothic version of Hansel and Gretel from the witch’s perspective” and Patrick had to admit, they’d really brought the story to life. David had carefully used sidewalk chalk paint to create a candy path of swirling peppermints, chocolate bars, and rainbow lollipops up their driveway and he painted dozens of large foam candy pieces to be scattered throughout the yard. Patrick had covered the house with fake vines and plywood David had painted to make the cottage seem old and worn down. They’d both worked together to convert the aliens and skeletons into a coven of witches while the green string lights, sheet metal, and glass all became part of an enormous cauldron that sat in the center of their lawn amid the painted foam candy pieces. The dragons returned as the witch’s pets, with collars chaining them to the ground on the outside of the witches’ circle and whatever bit of the yard that wasn’t covered in candy or witches had headstones to complete the creepy vibe.   
  
As for the interactive element of their design, well, Patrick was a little nervous for that part. They’d placed a basket of small toys, yo-yos and whistles and rubber balls and other such trinkets, in the base of the cauldron and while David distracted the trick-or-treaters with candy at the side of the house, Patrick would join the witches at the cauldron in his own set of robes. David would direct any brave souls to go look in the cauldron for an extra treat and Patrick would spring to life and, hopefully, illicit a scream or two before giving the kids the chance to pick out a toy. David had mentioned it was just like playing a character in a play and that Patrick just needed to pretend like he was on stage and that helped settle his nerves somewhat.  
  
After one final yard inspection, Patrick went upstairs and dressed in the thick black robes that made up his costume. Because their witches were mostly covered in robes to hide the majority of their discerning alien or skeletal features, Patrick would blend in perfectly. Once he was dressed, he stood at the mirror applied a thin layer of the white stage makeup he’d used in Cabaret. He was going for a skeletal sort of look in case someone got a peek under his hood before he sprang into action. He’d just picked up the jar of black stage make up and was considering adding some under his eyes to make them seem a bit sunken in when David appeared in the doorway.  
  
“Here, let me before you mess up your costume.” David said with a smile, easing the jar out of Patrick's hand. Patrick wipe down the counter with a quick brush of his hand before hoisting himself up to sit on it. He made space between his legs and David moved in easily, dabbing a bit of the makeup onto a sponge before gently swiping it onto Patrick’s face.  
  
“After we’re done tonight, we’ll need to make sure we get all the makeup off of your face. I think that micellar water Alexis uses when she comes to visit is under the sink in the guest bathroom.” David murmured as he worked. Patrick hummed an affirmative and David continued to work on his face, adding a bit more white makeup in spots. David’s hands were gentle as always, the calming touch and position familiar although often it had been the reverse with David on the counter and Patrick taking care of him.  
  
“Thank you, David.” Patrick murmured as David dug a tube of black lipstick out of Patrick’s stage makeup bag and carefully began to line Patrick’s lips with it.  
  
“Don’t thank me just yet.” David said with a hum, stepping back to check his work.  
  
“No, not for the makeup for—” Patrick said but David cut him off by gently holding his jaw to finish applying the lipstick. David took another step back to admire his handiwork before taking Patrick’s hands in his own and pressing a kiss to each of them and Patrick knew he understood what the thank you was really for. Patrick flipped up his hood and David grabbed the bucket of candy and they made their way to their trick or treat battle stations.  
  
It was a perfect evening for trick or treating, the kind of weather Patrick would have loved as a child. It was cool but not quite cool enough for coats to interfere with costumes. Patrick was a little disappointed to not be able to greet their trick-or-treaters at the door with David. It was their first real Halloween as a house you could trick-or-treat at, but if he kept the hood of the robe low enough, he could at least watch the kids walk up their candy driveway.  
  
Their very first group of trick-or-treaters consisted of two little girls dressed as fairies complete with butterfly wings and sparkly face paint, a boy dressed as Superman, a girl dressed as a blood soaked vampire, and another slightly older boy dressed as a scary clown. Patrick’s heart melted as the two little girls skipped up the driveway first, their high voices practically screaming with delight as they made their way up the candy lined path David had created. Apparently, David made even scary things beautiful. The other children followed closely behind the little girls with the scary clown boy bringing up the rear.  
  
Patrick heard the loud chorus of ‘trick or treat’ followed by David’s mostly sincere exclamation over the children’s costumes. While Patrick felt he was going out on a limb for his part of the evening dressing in costume and scaring people, David had admitted to him that interacting with children was going to be a challenge for him too. They had practiced pre-approved child specific dialogue at the table over dinner the previous night to help David combat his own nerves of saying the wrong thing, though Patrick knew he would be just fine. The voices at the door all blended together for about thirty seconds and then he heard David ask them who was brave enough to go look in the witch’s cauldron.   
  
Patrick heard footsteps running through the grass and stilled his breath as the scary clown boy made his way into the inner circle of witches. The boy grinned and patted a few of the witches down as he passed them.  
  
“You’re not so scary.” The boy sneered as he moved toward the cauldron. Patrick waited until the boy was just about to peer into the cauldron and then he leapt forward with a loud yell. The boy screamed and jumped back, collapsing to the ground in shock as Patrick lowered his hood. The other children all laughed in delight and ran over to help their friend to his feet and examine Patrick’s costume. Patrick picked the bucket of toys out of the cauldron and let all the trick-or-treaters choose one to another excited chorus of ‘thank yous’.  
  
“Guess I’m a little scary.” Patrick told the scary clown boy and the boy nodded and smiled and Patrick handed him a Pez dispenser for his trouble. Patrick looked back toward the house and David gave him a formal round of applause, shaking his fists in excitement.  
  
As the night continued on, Patrick was relieved each child who reached into the cauldron seemed to enjoy the scare and, in fact, he’d started to recognize some of the faces as kids who had already been to their house bringing their friends over specifically to be scared. The scary clown boy watched with a grin as two of his friends ran away screaming when Patrick grabbed onto the cauldron and shouted ‘boo'' at them. He was having a lot more fun than he expected and when Ray and the other judges arrived, he got a front row seat to their judging. 

Patrick could tell by their smiles and excited chatter that they loved the display and Ray was most excited of all. They went up to the house and spoke with David for a while and Patrick could hear the sound of their voices as David led them out onto the lawn.  
  
“Oh David, it looks wonderful but where is Patrick? I so wanted to congratulate him in person!” Ray said and Patrick heard David laugh.  
  
“He had to run to the store for more candy, unfortunately, but he wanted me to show you our interactive element.” David said and Patrick could see David’s shoes at the edge of his vision. Ray came into his line of sight and Patrick waited until Ray reached out to touch the edge of the cauldron when suddenly Ray’s eyes fixed right on his.  
  
“Patrick!” Ray shouted in clear delight and Patrick nearly knocked into the cauldron himself in shock at the sudden shout.  
  
“Er, hi Ray.” Patrick said and Ray waved, peering into the cauldron and then writing something down on his clipboard.  
  
“This is your best yard yet, Patrick! I love the personal touches!” Ray exclaimed. Patrick smiled, feeling suddenly awkward now dressed in his robes with his face all painted up with nothing to do, but Ray was apparently thrilled with the concept as he was still writing away on his clipboard. He finished with a flourish and fixed Patrick with a wide smile.  
  
“Now as you know, I’ll be announcing the winner at town hall at 11:00 PM so make sure you’re there! See you soon!”  
  
Patrick watched Ray and the other judges go and pointedly ignored David’s muffled laughter in the background.  
  
Two hours later, they waved goodbye to their last trick-or-treater, Patrick cleaned off his makeup and changed back into his regular clothes. David dumped the leftover candy into a bowl in the kitchen, presumably for his midnight snack, and then grabbed the car keys.  
  
“Now just remember, if we don’t win and Ronnie does…” David trailed off, looking at Patrick expectantly.  
  
“We go congratulate her, I know. I know. But we’re going to win.” Patrick said as he plucked the car keys from David’s fingers. “You know why I know we’re going to win?”  
  
“Mmm, why’s that?” Patrick looped his arms around David’s neck and pulled him in close.  
  
“Because we make one hell of a team.” David smiled and leaned into the kiss Patrick offered.  
  
“I’ll drink to that. Literally. I will need a full bottle of wine no matter how this night ends.” David said as he headed for the passenger seat.  
  
“Noted.” Patrick agreed. “And maybe a few of those peanut butter cups you saved too.”  
  
The short drive to town hall felt like it took ages as Patrick's anticipation grew. Although he felt pretty confident that what they did would be enough to win, there was still a nagging fear that maybe Ronnie had added something amazing at the final hour like they did. They’d both agreed not to go look at the other yards and Patrick was now a little nervous because he’d kept his word this time and stayed focused on their own yard. They parked outside of town hall and Patrick was surprised at the amount of people assembled to hear the results, especially considering only four houses were eligible. 

When they made their way inside, Patrick couldn’t help but be reminded of their wedding day at the way the chairs were set up in the hall. People were talking excitedly, some still in costumes from their own Halloween adventures and some just there to get tomorrow’s town gossip directly from the source. There was a table full of Halloween candy and snacks in the back of the room and the entire room had been decked out in festive orange, black, and purple streamers. After a quick pass at the snack table for David, they headed toward the front of the hall and of course the only two open seats in the front row were right next to Ronnie. Patrick hesitated for a moment until Ronnie rolled her eyes.  
  
“Sit down, Brewer.” She said, rolling her eyes in annoyance when Patrick hesitated a moment longer until David practically pushed him into the seat.

They sat in awkward silence between David’s chewing and the sounds of the crowd behind them. Patrick had no idea what to say to Ronnie but he felt like pulling his phone out would be rude considering all they’d been through in the past month.  
  
“I heard you were scaring little kids all night, Brewer.” Ronnie said conversationally. Patrick summoned all the patience he could but before he could even think of a retort, Ronnie continued on. “That’s really funny. I bet they had a good time.” Patrick blinked at her.  
  
“Oh. Um, yeah. That was our interactive element. What…um, what did you do?”   
  
“Hot apple cider bar. Plain for the kids, obviously, but the adults in the know got a shot of bourbon.” She said, crossing her arms and looking very pleased with herself. Patrick had to admit that sounded like a very nice touch, especially for the judges, and even though he was a little jealous they hadn’t thought of that, he was still proud of what they did.  
  
“Nice. You have any of that bourbon on you right now?” Patrick asked, half a grin spread across his face, and Ronnie actually smiled at him. She was about to say something but it got caught off by Ray stepping up to the podium.  
  
“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to our little awards ceremony, sponsored by the town council, Brebner’s and Ray Butani Incorporated!” Ray received a polite smattering of applause.  
  
“Now, before I announce the winner, I’d like to thank our participants for their horrifying horticulture creations!”  
  
Another smattering of applause and then a “Get on with it!” that most definitely came from Roland. Ray smiled and pulled an orange and black envelope from his pocket.  
  
“What is this, the Emmys?” David muttered under his breath but Patrick could hardly focus on that when his moment of victory was so close. Ray opened the envelope and then scanned the crowd until his eyes landed on Patrick. It was happening!  
  
“I am proud to announce the winner of the First Annual Schitt’s Creek Ghastly Garden and Loathsome Lawn Tournament is—a tie between Patrick Brewer and Ronnie Lee!”  
  
What.  
  
David clapped him excitedly on the back as Ray gestured for both Ronnie and Patrick to come up to the podium. He gave them both a hearty handshake and a lawn sign that said “ **First Annual Schitt’s Creek Ghastly Garden and Loathsome Lawn Tournament Winner** ” in big bold letters. Patrick immediately noticed the ad for Ray’s real-estate business in the far-right corner and an ad for Brebner’s in the far left. Then, to add insult to injury, Ray made them both take an extremely awkward picture together for the town paper holding their lawn signs.   
  
“Congratulations though I suppose you’ll have to arrange some sort of split custody over the lawn mower.” Ray said apologetically and then he was off to mingle with the crowd. Patrick glanced over at David who was holding his hands over his mouth and likely hiding his laughter from Patrick but Patrick didn’t care. Patrick couldn’t keep from pouting as David wrapped him up in a big hug, even as David's lips pressed against his temple.  
  
“A tie. Are you freaking—” Patrick hissed to David but then he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to face Ronnie.  
  
“Well Brewer, congratulations. This contest was a lot more fun with you actually in it and, since I’m in a generous mood, I’m going to let you keep the lawn mower.” Patrick stared at her speechless until David nudged him.  
  
“Wow, Ronnie. That is very generous of you. Thank you.” Ronnie smiled and Patrick felt something like peace settle between them.  
  
“Yeah I was hoping for the bragging rights, but a tie isn’t so bad.” Ronnie said. “Looking forward to breaking it over the Christmas Light Fight, though! Hope you all are ready!” She said with a wink, laughing as she walked away. David and Patrick watched her go in silence.  
  
“David.” But David was already shaking his head wildly.   
  
“Absolutely not.” David growled. Patrick batted his eyes at him but David’s glare just intensified.  
  
“Aw but David, I know you ended up having fun this week.” Patrick cooed and David threw his hands up in frustration.  
  
“That’s not the point, Patrick!” David cried but Patrick could tell it wouldn’t be too hard to wear him down this time. David _loved_ decorating for Christmas. Patrick wound his arms around David’s neck and David huffed even as he allowed Patrick to pull him in close.   
  
“How about we discuss this over dinner at the Elmdale Inn? Say next Friday?” Patrick asked and David’s eyes lit up as his glare softened into an expression of feigned reluctance.  
  
“I suppose that would be alright.” David said airly.  
  
“It’s a date.” Patrick turned and threaded their fingers together as they slowly made their way through the rows of chairs toward the back of the hall, the clear parallel to their wedding day not lost on either of them. David gave his hand a squeeze and Patrick knew they were once again the same page.  
  
“You know, the last time I was here for a ceremony I got a husband and tonight I got a lawn mower.” Patrick teased and David laughed despite himself as they made their way down the steps of the building.  
  
“I’m not sure I like that comparison. That's it. I’m sleeping at the motel again.” David announced, dropping Patrick’s hand. He took two steps in the direction of the motel before Patrick seized him around the waist and redirected David toward their car. David laughed, high and bright in the cool night air and when he turned, he fixed Patrick with that smile that never failed to leave him breathless.  
  
“Take me home, Patrick.” David said, his eyes shining in the moonlight.  
  
And Patrick did just that.


End file.
